> Recent Entries
> Archive
> Friends
> User Info
> Journey through Grief
> previous 10 entries

September 4th, 2010

(2 comments | Leave a comment)

September 1st, 2009

(1 comment | Leave a comment)

March 14th, 2009

03:49 pm - geesh I've been bad at posting anything! I check my friends pages daily but I just can't think of a thing to post in my own journal. I have been very sick. Virus, ear infection for 2 weeks on second round of antibiotic. My immune system is down due to treatment. I am now on 2 Procrit injections weekly for anemia. They have cut down my Ribaviron from 6 pills a day to 4. I am nervous about that. Worried I won't get SVR (sustanined viral response). Thinking very seriously about upping my meds and letting them know I don't want to lower my dose again. We'll deal with the anemia. Depression has been rearing it's ugly head through all this. I have upped my Lexapro. The nurse wanted me to try Paxil again but it made me gain sooo much weight last time I was on it. It did help get me through Josh's death without losing my mind completely. That and all the prayers that were flooding Heaven for me. It has been 8 years (this August will be 9 years) and it seems unbelievable to me. It still feels like yesterday. I feel sometimes like I am in the twilight zone. Part of me stuck in the year 2000 and part of me here in 2009. Weird how it feels sometimes. A mothers grief NEVER ends when you bury a child. The things going on in the world today is aslo depressing and shouldn't be as God is in control of all. The victory is already won.. Praise God. Well hubby is home from the grocery store (glad he likes to shop) so I am going to go see what goodies he has brought home. Current Mood: blah

(4 comments | Leave a comment)

January 20th, 2009

10:40 pm - treatment week 6 1/7/09 negative for Hep C virus!!! Long way to go yet.. but neg this early in treatment is a good sign. Current Mood: ecstatic Tags: treatment study

(3 comments | Leave a comment)

January 11th, 2009

11:01 am - treatment update My hemoglobin is low and my platelets have dropped more than half. The nurse has dropped my Ribaviron by one pill and added Procrit injection once per week to be taken the day before my Peg injection and on the oppisite side. I have been short of breath and very tired. Hopefully this will make me feel better. Right now and for the next several months my life revolves around pills, injections and my alarm I set to remind me it is time for this or that med. If I don't keep track I forget what I have done or what needs to be done. i.e. did I take my med this morning? I sometimes don't remember unless I write it down. So I have a calendar that I document when I take my meds. I also am still having to put in an electronic palm that goes to Shering-Plough. That is starting to be a pain in the butt. Work has been going okay. Hanging in there. But I am very tired when I get home. Maybe this time the dragon will be slain! Have had several patients tests come back lately with Liver masses/CA - what is up with that? Kinda scary. I always realize that it could be me. My dogs have been getting on my nerves lately.. I don't feel like doing anything with them and they don't understand why I yell. But they still love me. Bless their hearts. I am going to do better. Current Mood: blah

(4 comments | Leave a comment)

December 29th, 2008

11:26 am - 7th shot down many to go I am so sick already of this treatment. My life is revolving around pills and injections. 18 pills a day and one injection per week. Then have to put it in electronic palm for it to go directly to Shering-Plough. Have to be taken on time at certain times. Christmas was exhausting. Shopping was a nightmare. My husband told my daughter I was not myself to say the least. Daughter thinks I should carry my name, address and phone number on me at all times LOL. Told my husband to keep me out of public as long as I'm on this medicine. I am on vacation this week and really need it. I slept all weekend after Christmas. I have upped my anti depressant finally. Didn't want but the nurse said to do it when I felt I needed to as the meds deplete the seratonin. So I finally did. Drpression and fatigue, aches, headaches, nausea are the worst of it right now. And the memory fog. Brain fog is awful. Just an update. toodles Current Mood: gloomy Tags: treatment study

(1 comment | Leave a comment)

December 6th, 2008

01:13 am - fourth shot down Labs looked good this last visit but my WBC's are low so was told to stay away from germs. LOL I work in family practice... give me a break. My viral load is pretty high. > 4 million. Hope this treatment works. So far haven't done to horribly on this therapy. Will have the boceprevir added next office visit in 2 weeks. Or the placebo. But even if I get the placebo this time I will eventually get the real thing. The meds I am on now are definately the real thing. I have been tired, trouble sleeping and only a couple days of feeling a little rage. But was able to control it. I laid down last evening for a little while (I thought) didn't wake until work time this morning. (well yesterday morning now) - slept 12 hours. Have only been getting 4-5 hours of sleep all week. So it was very much needed sleep. I felt like I could have slept all day long though. Maybe I will tomorrow. Even though I wanted to go Christmas shopping. We'll see as it is almost 1:30am and I am still awake. I have a "friend" that can stress me out and does so everytime she calls. Which isn't often anymore. I can not believe her gall sometimes. I can't beleive what comes out of her mouth most of the time. She is just so much the user. A liar, a cheat, a thief. Okay I'm done. But she had me so upset a couple nights ago I couldn't sleep at all. And I was in tears. She also had me cussing like a sailor. I am still upset over it. To hear her tell it she is the best mom, the best friend, the best grandma, the best everything. Well she forgets I know her pretty damn well. She can put you down by pretending to lift you up. It is crazy. Current Mood: angry

(1 comment | Leave a comment)

December 1st, 2008

06:44 pm - Dear Santa Dear Santa can you see me with tears upon my face A heart so badly broken missing his embrace As I write this letter to express my only wish Dear Santa please remember only one gift on my list His smile and his laughter His hugs and kisses too Dear Santa I am pleading To make my wish come true I haven't been quite perfect I've tried the best I can but seeing you are Santa... you might just change the plan Each day I wake to sorrow Pain that I can't flee Dear Santa I am asking Could you bring him back to me? It's been so many years now... sometimes as if he was a dream Dear Santa please consider... changing this life theme Dear Santa could you find it... within your kind warm heart To bring him home for Christmas... so we are not apart? In loving memory of Joey and his heavenly buddies Lyndie © December 2007 revised 2008 I miss u Josh!! Current Mood: sad

(2 comments | Leave a comment)

November 23rd, 2008

08:40 pm - 2nd injection wasn't as bad as the first one. But I have been very fatigued this weekend. All last week at work I was very energetic. Strange. I am sure that won't last. But so far so good. I have slept a lot this weekend. Couldn't stay awake. At first the electronic diary I was given was kinda neat. Now I feel like I am on an electronic leash. I can't forget to input my meds every night. It will beep at me if I forget and tell me I need to put in my meds. While on this treatment my life is not my own LOL. It belongs to Schering-Plough for the next year. I have felt a little down this week. Thanksgiving is coming and it was Josh's favorite holiday. I really hate the holidays. Toodles Current Mood: blah Tags: treatment study

(1 comment | Leave a comment)

November 17th, 2008

(1 comment | Leave a comment)